“Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
Did it break?
Now say sorry to it.
Did it go back to the way it was before?
Do you understand?”
A poignant reminder of the fragility of relationships! Well, for sure I am not giving stress on love relationships but links in general. Relationships contribute to make our lives beautiful and add lustre to our communication skills. Humans tend to search for alliances as they cannot help themselves from socialising. So breaking up with someone or destroying the memories is not that easy. Obviously, shift+delete does not exist in real life.
Not just actions, sometimes even an unthinking word said at a sensitive moment can bring about cracks in a relationship built painstakingly over years. We face situations in the real world where what you said at that particular point does not matter as much as what went earlier. It’s a general perception the parents do forgive children for most of the minor sins as they are supposed to do so.
After all, they are the ones who brought us into this cruel and cunning world, and hence they should ignore some of the blunders we commit in the process of becoming a lesser pain-giving monster amongst all. Friends and loved ones may pretend, but seldom does anyone really forgive and forget a slight. The cracks and crevices invariably remain, especially if those involved are careless with the relationship over a period of time.
Sometimes a relationship takes a hit so many times that it diminishes a bit on each occasion. In Time it may dwindle to a pitiful caricature of what it was. We cannot simply assume the even after strained circumstances if none of the persons involved in the very relation is expressing the desire for separation, is ipso facto equivalent to their willingness to adjust. And with no communication or attempts to repair, there is lesser of you now invested in the same relationship.
Going back to the plate analogy, the Japanese have shown us that even broken crockery can be not just mended, but made even beautiful with kintsugi or kintsukuroi – the art of repairing with lacquer mixed with gold or silver dust. So as long as there is a need and intention to repair and maintain a healthy relationship, there is hope. Also, it’s a fact that can no way be denied that unless one of the partners has a terribly fractured personality, breaking a relationship isn’t a cakewalk.
Saying sorry is not the only way to apologise; most find that tough, though they find it easier to indicate regret through actions and sometimes, gestures. The important thing is to avoid standoffs and periods of non-communication where you stand on ego and wait for other to break the impasse. it should be tried to get things back as soon as possible on an even keel. To be truthful, its not forgiveness that is important- more critical is an acceptance and a readjustment. You can forgive, but cannot afford to forget the point of soreness. If love exists, disappointment should be accepted and we should move on.
Humour is a great saviour of ties. The toughest situations can be dissolved in a shared bout of laughter, so long as the humour is not directed towards one another.
Rahiman dhaga prem ka mat toro chatkaay,
Toote se phir na judey, jude gaanth parh jaaye
(Never break the bond of love, once broken it can only be repaired with a knot)
Is that really a bad thing though? Sometimes the knot may help bind even more securely-
A kintsukuroi of relationships!!